Spoilers: The Siege I and II
How long has it been?
Two days? Three? Somewhere along the way itís all turned into a long, horrible blur broken by sudden jolts of elation even though they never lasted long because things never worked perfectly; I never could make them work perfectly. If I had...
Well, it doesnít matter any more; we were saved because of one suicidal Air Force major and the arrival of a big-ass ship from Earth. Bang, boom, bye-bye Wraithóuntil the next time anyway.
God, Iím tired, but I canít sleep; I couldnít even without the stimulants Carson gave me, havenít since Peter died.
Thatís what scares me; not dyingówell, not more than in an Ďoh shit, thereís so much I still want to do mannerí, but dying alone. If someone was there, someone you cared about, it wouldnít be so bad, but alone? Thatís Hell.
Wonderful, now Iím turning introspective. Isnít it enough that I feel like my nerves are made of glass because of the drugs? Everythingís too sharp, too defined, and I feel like I could shatter if someone bumped into me too hard.
This hyper-awareness sucks, especially since thereís nowhere to direct it right now; everythingís chaos. There are repairs that need to be made, but my hands are shaking too much to do them, and besides, it would be messy if I touched something and my fingers broke off.
Canít ask Carson for a relaxant because heís got too much to do right now; people are maimed, so whatís one over-stimulated, made-of-glass physicist to that? The drugs will wear off eventually, and then Iíll sleepóI hope. If heís back.
And just like that, there he is, like some genie conjured from some piece of Ancient technology I touched by accident. He looks tired, worn, but triumphant. Soft, he looks soft, and maybe if I touch him, my spun-glass nerves wonít shatter.
I know if he touches me, they will; jagged edges cutting into his softness and making him bleed, however unintentionally.
Donít touch me; I canít let you.
Donít. Touch. Me.
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