Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to the late
Gene Rodenberry and Paramount. Of course, since they cancelled the show,
that makes them public domain, doesn't it? ;)
Fifteen years. It's been fifteen years since the Array pulled the
Maquis ship and Voyager into the Delta Quadrant. I had expected to be away a
few weeks at most on our mission to the Badlands. How was I to know that
this ship would become home to over a hundred Voyagers making our way back
to the Alpha Quadrant or that I would find love in the unlikeliest places.
Voyagers... that's what we call ourselves now. Oh not when we meet new
races of course, then I'm still Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation
Starship Voyager, but amongst ourselves we're Voyagers. The terms sprang up
a few years ago, partly because of our ship's name and partly due to our
lifestyle. No one will admit to being the first to coin the term, but I'd
bet a month's replicator rations on Tom; it's typical of him.
I think the change to thinking of Voyager as home began ten or eleven
years ago, not long after most of us got messages from home through the
Hirogen relay network.
Carrying her tray of Neelix's latest offering (B'elanna refused to call
anything that glowed purple "dinner") over to the corner, she
joined Tom who didn't seem to be eating either. She just didn't think the
meal's appearance had much to do with Tom's lack of appetite. Ever since he
found out that his father had sent him a message, then that the relay
station was destroyed before the message could be recovered, Tom Paris had
withdrawn into a moody silence. Not even B'elanna or Harry seemed able to
reach him. The half-Klingon engineer wasn't sure whether Paris' silence was
better or worse than the cocky attitude the pilot usually displayed when
trying to hide strong emotions.
"Voyager to Paris." B'elanna was seriously considering hitting
Tom with her dinner to gain his attention. She was just afraid of the
possible toxic side effects of the gently glowing whatever it was.
Tom started. "Sorry, B'elanna, I guess I was a bit distracted."
"Distracted? Tom, you actually ate some of this stuff. I'm not sure
Neelix didn't use warp plasma as one of the ingredients."
Tom glanced down at his plate and did a double take. "Gods, I hope
you'll all have a nice funeral for me when I'm gone." Paris' moment of
humor subsided quickly. "You know, I wish the admiral never sent that
letter. I know I said I'd believe that he said he was proud of me, missed
me, but even if that's true, it still brought everything back. I have a life
here on Voyager, doing a job I care about, with people I care about and who
care about me. I was finally starting to believe that I might be worth
something, hell, even Chakotay doesn't hate me anymore. Of everyone on this
ship, I have the least to go back to."
He saw B'elanna draw breath to speak and continued quickly, "I know,
all of you Maquis've lost a lot, finding out that most of your friends are
dead or in prison, that you lost the war without even being there. I really
do understand that, but it doesn't change how I feel. Here, for the first
time in a long time, I have a family and friends. I don't want to go back,
not to the Alpha Quadrant, not to prison, not to the person I used to
be." He met B'elanna's eyes. "Maybe it's time to admit that we're
not Starfleet or Maquis anymore, but a single group of travelers, of ... of
Voyagers, and this ship is our home."
"You can say that, Tom, after seeing how excited and happy everyone
was to get mail from home, how happy Harry was?" B'elanna didn't try to
hide her disappointment.
"Yeah, I can. Look how depressed Harry was until he got that letter,
and look how many people found out that their loved ones had moved on
without them. I may not know what was in every letter, but I saw a lot of
people looking pretty depressed after they got their letters." He
sighed and looked out at the stars for a moment. "Sure, nearly everyone
would be ecstatic if we got home tomorrow and most would be able to pick up
the pieces of their lives, but we're probably not going to get home
tomorrow. Even with Kes throwing us beyond Borg space, we've got 55 years to
go unless we find some kind of shortcut. I don't know about you, but I
expect that to be the major chunk of my life."
"Tom," B'elanna started, not sure what to say. Despite
everyone's excitement at the letters from home and their renewed
determination to get back, Tom did have a point. It was unlikely that
Voyager would get back to the Alpha Quadrant before they were old men and
women, at best. Still, it worried her to see how alienated Tom felt from his
old life. Granted, he had changed a lot, for the better, but he actively
wanted to stay more than 50,000 light years from home. "You're right,
it will take us a long time to get back home, if we ever do. But that's the
point, it is home."
"Is it, B'elanna? Think about it. We've been out here for close to
five years. We're not Starfleet and Maquis anymore, we're something new,
something we grew into together. People on this ship have developed
relationships, some of them in spite of marriages back 'home'. We've made
friends and enemies here. We've lived a significant part of our lives right
here on Voyager.
"Look at my own case. Despite getting lost, injured, tortured or
imprisoned nearly every time I've stepped off the ship, I can honestly say
this is the first time in my life I've been happy."
B'elanna stared at Tom after his impassioned speech. She didn't have a
lot to go back to in the Alpha Quadrant either, but she couldn't understand
not wanting to go back. Fortunately, she was due back in Engineering, so she
let the conversation drop and left.
Tom was off duty that day so hung around the mess hall a while longer,
not really wanting to be alone just then. As he was about to leave,
Commander Chakotay came in for a snack on his way off shift. After taking
one look at the still glowing remnants of lunch, Chakotay headed for the
replicator and a dish of fruit salad. Still eyeing lunch as if afraid it
would attack him if he turned his back, the commander came over to join Tom.
Paris grinned as the commander sat down, noticing the way the older man
eyed his lunch tray suspiciously. "Don't worry, Chakotay, I've been
sitting with it for over an hour, and it hasn't attacked me yet. I'm just
waiting to see if it tries to leave under its own power."
Chakotay grinned back at the blond pilot. "Just because something
doesn't attack you, Paris, doesn't mean anything. Even new life forms might
Tom widened his big, blue eyes at the other man. "I'm hurt,
Chakotay. Are you telling me you're immune to my attractions?"
The commander looked up from his plate and met the other man's eyes at
that moment. Both froze as they recognized the briefly unhidden wanting in
the other's gaze. "Tom -" "Chakotay -" Both men began to
speak at the same time and stopped.
Tom rushed into speech. "Sorry, Commander, I just remembered I have
to get things ready for a surprise for B'elanna after her shift. I've gotta
"That's alright, Tom, I told Kathryn I'd stop by after my shift.
She's probably wondering what's keeping me. I should go too."
The two men left the messhall in silence, side by side, afraid to look at
each other. Awareness strummed between them as they strode down the
corridor, their steps in synch. As they entered the turbolift, Tom glanced
at Chakotay out the corner of his eye, only to find the commander staring at
him like a starving man at a banquet. Both looked away hastily.
After exiting the turbolift and heading down the corridor towards
officers' quarters, Chakotay hesitated perceptibly when Tom stopped at the
entrance to his quarters. The pilot stepped in quickly without turning
around, and the commander continued on his way.
"Gods! Why now?" Tom groaned as headed for the replicator,
wishing he could get something a lot stronger than synthehol. He had wanted
Chakotay since the first moment he saw him when he joined the Maquis but had
always thought the older man despised him. Maybe he had at one time, but Tom
knew what he had seen in the commander's eyes back in the messhall. Part of
him was thrilled that Chakotay returned his feelings, but most of him was
frustrated. Now Chakotay wanted him, now that he was involved with B'elanna,
who was one of his best friends in addition to being his lover. Tom wouldn't
hurt her for anything. Not to mention that Chakotay was finally openly in a
relationship with the captain; Tom refused to analyze his feelings for
Kathryn Janeway, but he knew he didn't want to hurt her either.
Meanwhile Chakotay was entertaining very similar thoughts as he tried
unsuccessfully to meditate in his own quarters. He didn't actually have any
plans to get together with Kathryn but like Tom, had invoked his lover's
name in an attempt to ward off temptation. On arriving in his quarters, he
had commed the captain and made arrangements to meet her for dinner. Since
then, however, he had been unable to get a certain blond pilot out of his
thoughts. "Gods," he groaned aloud, "why didn't I see it six
months ago! It's too late now." Chakotay had been attracted to Tom the
moment he met him, and since getting stuck in the Delta Quadrant and seeing
behind some of Paris' many defenses, he had fallen in love with the younger
man. But their initial interactions had set the tone and as far as Chakotay
could see, Tom Paris considered him an enemy or at best a convenient target
for his biting humor. Now it seemed he'd been wrong about Paris' feelings,
but the pilot was involved with Chakotay's friend and former lover, while
Chakotay himself had finally found his way into Janeway's bed. They couldn't
hurt the two women who both meant so much to each of them.
Tom and B'elanna were sitting in the messhall having dinner (which
fortunately neither glowed nor contained leola root) when Janeway and
Chakotay came in. B'elanna saw them and motioned them over as they got their
dinners. The captain nodded and headed for the other two officers, Chakotay
following without really noticing where they were going. Tom glanced up just
as his commanding officers reached the table, and his eyes met Chakotay's.
Both men froze, unable to tear their gazes away. They both flushed deeply
as they stared into each other's eyes. B'elanna and Kathryn watched them in
surprise at first, then with budding amusement. The women looked at each
other inquisitively only to find that neither had known the men had finally
acknowledged their attraction.
Not wanting the whole crew to realize what was going on, B'elanna greeted
Chakotay, drawing his attention and breaking the trance he and Tom were in.
Chakotay mumbled a greeting as he and Kathryn sat down, while Tom
practically buried his face in his plate. Kathryn hastily took a swallow of
her coffee to hide the grin trying to break across her face.
Unable to resist, Kathryn turned to Tom as he took a mouthful of his soup
and asked, "So Tom, how did you manage to entertain yourself on your
day off?" While Paris attempted to regain his breath after choking, the
captain regarded him with a look of innocent inquiry. Chakotay had a wooden
expression on his face as he tried to hide his horror. B'elanna, unable to
keep a straight face, hastened over to Neelix, pretending she wanted a glass
Finally regaining his breath, Tom stared at Janeway suspiciously, noting
the gleam in her eyes. He glanced over at Chakotay who was also eyeing
Kathryn askance. She couldn't know what they had discovered ... could she?
Nah, she'd be furious if she thought her lover and protege were lusting
after each other. "Actually, Captain," Tom finally replied,
"I just took it easy, didn't do anything in particular. It was a nice,
"Oh, that's too bad," Kathryn responded, "from your
reactions, I thought maybe you and Chakotay had finally pulled your heads
out of the sand."
It was Chakotay's turn to choke while Tom's jaw hit the table. Neither
man appeared capable of speech, so B'elanna, who had returned in time to
hear the captain's last remark, added, "I hoped you two were finally
going to stop dancing around each other and acknowledge what was going on.
Lying to yourself must be a human trait."
"Wha-?" Tom was less than coherent.
"Gods, Tom," B'elanna continued, "If we could harness the
energy the two of you generate, we wouldn't need the warp drive. Go lock
yourselves in a room for a few days and get it out of your systems!"
"B-b-but," Chakotay was so shocked he was stuttering,
"Kathryn ... you ... we ..." Even Tom had to smile at that
masterpiece of clarity.
"What B'elanna is trying to say," Kathryn explained, "Is
that neither of us is willing to be second best. We can't get past this
until you decide who you really want to be with. And you won't be able to do
that until you admit that you want each other and do something about
it." With that Kathryn and B'elanna stood up to leave. "Commander,
Lieutenant, you are both off duty for the next three days. I don't want to
see either of you before that time is up."
Paris and Chakotay stared after the women, neither of them quite able to
believe the last few minutes had been real. "Well," Tom finally
spoke while conspicuously avoiding looking at the commander, "That was
"So now what?"
Tom started to laugh. "Well, Commander, I could be wrong, but I
think we're under orders to go fuck ourselves silly."
Chakotay stared at him for a moment then started to laugh as well.
"Far be it for me to disobey my commanding officer. Your place or
Tom's laughter stopped abruptly, and he met Chakotay's eyes. "We're
really going to do this."
"One way or another, Paris, we will make love. And if we don't get
out of here soon, I may just fulfill one of my fantasies." Accurately
reading the other man's thoughts, Tom snorted. "Sorry, Chakotay, you'd
have to give me more notice so I could sell tickets. If I'm going to be on
exhibit, I insist on getting something out of it. And the name's Tom."
"Trust me, Tom, you'd get something out of it. I very much
doubt you'd even notice anyone else in the room." The pilot's blue eyes
darkened almost to sapphire and his breathing grew ragged. Chakotay gasped
as he read the complete surrender in the younger man's eyes. "Anything
you want, Kotay. Just name it."
Chakotay stood up abruptly. "Come on, Tom, let's go. I'm not going
to share the sight of you with anyone. I want you in my bed, now."
Tom nodded almost submissively as he followed the older man to his quarters,
but the commander wasn't fooled. Paris was being so agreeable because they
both wanted the same thing, badly. The blond was, however, so far from being
submissive as to be almost laughable. It was his nature to challenge
authority at every turn, and that was never going to change. But that was
fine with Chakotay, he thought it would be fun to alternate taking the lead.
As they entered his quarters, a sudden thought struck Chakotay.
"Tom, I've been making assumptions, have you ever done this
Tom grinned. "Kotay, are you asking if I'm a virgin?"
Chakotay had to laugh. "Hardly, I meant with a man, you
"I've never discriminated on the basis of gender. I've always been
attracted to both sexes. What about you?"
"The same." Not really wanting to talk, Chakotay reached for
the other man. He drew the taller man into his arms, gently nibbling at his
jaw as he brought their bodies into perfect alignment. The difference in
height frustrated Chakotay momentarily, but Tom was more than happy to lean
down the small amount necessary to meet his lips. Their first kiss was no
gentle exploration but an explosion of the desire they'd been hiding for
years. Their tongues dueled as each tried to explore the other's mouth.
By the time they dragged their mouths apart to gasp in some much-needed
air, both men were half-naked. Now that they were separated, they were able
to drag off the remainder of their clothing. Tom stopped half out of his
uniform top, his only remaining piece of clothing, when he glanced over to
see Chakotay's bronzed skin revealed. Chakotay grinned and stepped back when
Tom reached for him.
Passion-glazed blue eyes shot up to meet brown, momentarily fearful that
the older man had changed his mind. The commander shook his head teasingly.
"Uh uh, blondie, you can look but not touch until you're as bare as I
am." Tom grinned back and ripped off his uniform with absolutely no
concern for the replicator rations it would cost him to replace the torn
garment. Once bare, Tom stepped up to Chakotay, sliding his arms around the
other man and shivering in pleasure at the sensation of skin against skin.
Tom began to explore the commander's body, caressing every bit of skin he
could reach and slowly drawing his mouth across his lover. He kept eye
contact with the older man as much as possible, wanting to catch every
reaction. When he reached Chakotay's chest, he changed tactics, settling in
for a prolonged stay. He licked and kissed the commander's chest, coming
close to but never quite touching his nipples, occasionally giving a quick
nip to the bronzed flesh tempting him and quickly soothing the brief sting
with swipes of his tongue. Finally, Chakotay, whose own hands had been busy
exploring Tom's body to their mutual pleasure, grasped Tom's head and drew
the blond to his aching nipples.
Chakotay's entire body arched into the younger man when his lips closed
around his aching nipple. Tom suckled the stiffened bud of flesh, bringing
one hand up to stimulate its mate while the other moved downward to
Chakotay's aching cock.
"Spirits," Chakotay groaned as Tom's hand moved past his cock
to cup his balls. Hearing the older man's cry, Tom grinned at him before
dropping to his knees. Chakotay's hands clenched on the blond's shoulders as
the younger man leaned in to him. Tom flicked his tongue into the other
man's navel, causing his stomach muscles to clench, before gradually licking
his way down to the flesh waiting for him. Just as his tongue would have
touched the commander's cock, Tom stopped, settled back on his heels and
looked up into his lover's eyes, ignoring Chakotay's whimper and attempt to
drag him closer. "Gods, Kotay, you taste even better than I
With that, Tom ran his tongue the length of the underside of Chakotay's
cock, drawing a cry from the older man. Chakotay's hips surged forward,
seeking more contact, but Tom was firmly in control. He nibbled his way
along the length, briefly drawing the head into his mouth to taste the
droplets of liquid already waiting for him before working his way back down
to the commander's balls which still rested in his hand. Tom's mouth
replaced his busy fingers.
Feeling his balls sucked into Tom's mouth, Chakotay forced his eyes open
and looked down just in time to see the pilot shift back and swallow his
cock to the root. The sudden suction and sight of the blond head between his
legs was enough for the commander, and he came, crying Tom's name.
Tom continued sucking until he had drawn every drop of semen from his
lover, then released him as the commander's moan told him that he was
becoming too sensitive. Chakotay sank to his knees in front of Tom who drew
him into a deep kiss, letting him taste himself. Chakotay reached out to
grasp Tom's stiff cock, pumping his fist along the rigid flesh.
"Oh yeah, Kotay, that's so good, gods yes, oh, fuck don't stop ...
" Tom was almost there when Chakotay stopped and firmly gripped the
base of his cock, stopping his orgasm. "What the fuck did you stop
for!" Tom nearly screamed at him.
"Easy, lover, you're not done yet. You don't get to come until
you're so deep inside me that I feel like you're going to come up my
throat." Tom shuddered at Chakotay's words, nearly exploding from that
Chakotay pulled the other man to his feet, drawing him into the bedroom.
He released the blond and moved to the bed. After getting some lube out of
the drawer by the bed, Chakotay settled on his knees in the center of the
bed with his back to Tom. Glancing over his shoulder to make sure he had the
pilot's full attention, Chakotay began to lube himself up.
Watching his lover preparing his own ass, Tom started to pant. When
Chakotay began to push back against his fingers, Tom snapped. In one fluid
motion he sprang onto the bed, landing behind the commander. He grabbed the
lube, smoothing some over his cock with shaking fingers and positioned
himself. Before entering, he probed Chakotay with his fingers to make sure
he was open enough, drawing a scream from the older man when he rubbed over
Tom pushed in, pausing at the commander's involuntary gasp, waiting till
the pain receded. He reached around to Chakotay's cock, and soon Chakotay
was pushing back against him, pleading for more. Tom started to move,
releasing Chakotay's cock to grip his lover's hips as he began to thrust
harder. Chakotay pumped himself in time with Tom's thrusts inside him,
crying out with each one. The sensation of Tom deep inside him pushed him
over the edge, and he came screaming Tom's name. Chakotay's muscles
clenching on Tom in orgasm were all Tom needed, and he came seconds after
Tom collapsed forward against Chakotay's back, nearly unconscious. After
a short time he withdrew from the commander, dropping down flat on the bed.
Chakotay dragged himself into the bathroom to clean up and brought back a
damp cloth for Tom. Chakotay crawled back into bed beside the blond to try
to get some sleep. Tom shifted over until he was draped over Chakotay, his
head tucked into the commander's shoulder and the big man's arms around him.
Contentedly, both men drifted into sleep.
Tom was momentarily disoriented when he woke up the next morning,
wondering why the computer hadn't woken him for his shift. Then he realized
he wasn't alone, opening his eyes to find himself lying half on top of
Chakotay. Finally remembering that the captain had given them the next three
days off, Tom was in no hurry to move away from his warm pillow. In fact,
his morning erection was urging him to get a lot closer. Meeting Chakotay's
half-open eyes, he found no objections to his plan.
A long while later, showered and dressed, the two men sat eating a
breakfast that probably could have fed the entire alpha shift. After their
recent exertions, both were hungry. Eventually they could eat no more and
after cleaning up, moved to Chakotay's couch.
They sat side by side, not touching except their hands that clung
together. Tom raised miserable blue eyes to Chakotay, "What do we do
now, Kotay?" He looked away momentarily before continuing, "I love
Chakotay tightened his grip on Tom's hand. "I don't know, Tom. I
love you, too."
They sat in silent misery for a very long time.
"So, Captain, how long do you think it'll take them to figure it
out?" B'elanna questioned.
"Although they're both pig-headed, neither of them is stupid. I
think they'll get it all sorted out in the three days they have."
"I certainly hope so. It's long past time they realized that all
four of us belong together." With that the chief engineer of the
Federation starship Voyager flipped over on top of her captain, trapping the
other woman among the pillows on her bed, and moved in for a long, deep
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