Little pitchers have big ears. Adults must be careful about what they say within the hearing of children. The saying refers to the large handles (ears) sometimes attached to small vessels.
The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition. 2002.
"Oh god! Oh Jesus, will you not do that again? I’d really prefer to be able to walk when I get up!"
What the fuck? Colonel John Sheppard came to an abrupt halt, the door to Dr. Rodney McKay’s private office sliding silently open just in time for him to hear Rodney’s moan of pain.
"Och, will ye stop being such a baby? Ye’d think ye’d never had anything touch ye there before!" Carson Becket growled just as Sheppard’s jaw hit the ground.
Christ on a crutch, if John didn’t know better he’d say that Beckett was committing lewd acts of hot weasel sex with Atlantis’s chief science advisor and his best friend. John wasn’t sure if he wanted to ‘eww’ or step a little closer to the door to watch the show, so to speak. Actually, now that he thought about it, Beckett doing McKay was kinda hot. Okay, possibly seriously hot. Whoa, where did that come from? He so needed to get laid and soon if he was thinking McKay and Beckett having sex was arousing. Even if it was true.
"Dammit, Carson, it hurts! And no, as a matter of fact I haven’t done this before, okay? I know a lot of other people who’ve done this, but I never saw the appeal, " Rodney groused and then let out a sharp moan. "Christ, can you not be so ham fisted?"
Rodney was a virgin? And Carson was breaking him in? John leaned weakly against the wall and absently stroked his erection through his pants. How hot was this, he was listening to Carson take Rodney’s cherry. John just wished he had some visuals to go with his aural porn.
"Well if ye’d relax a little and breathe it’d go a lot easier, Rodney," Carson replied mildly, but there was a definite smirk in his voice. "And I’m rather shocked ye’ve never done this before; Lord knows you needed it, man, and ye certainly looked like you could use it."
"Yeah, well, if this is an example of how good it could be, I think I’ll pass on doing it agaaaooooh god, right there, what did you just touch? Oh, that felt good," McKay moaned blissfully.
"Looks like I’ve finally gotten ye past the worst of it; it’ll be smooth sailing from now on, Rodney, I promise. Now just lay back and let me do all the work, and soon ye’ll be feelin’ right as rain, I promise ye."
John’s hand began to move faster and faster as he kneaded his aching crotch while listening to his own personal x-rated audiotape. Too damned bad he hadn’t had Atlantis record him a copy for later on.
Soon Rodney was alternating between breathy moans and purrs of pleasure while Carson kept up with his encouraging instructions to lean a little this way, shift his hips just so and remember to breathe. John was rubbing himself harder and harder until both McKay’s vocalizations and John’s arousal reached their peak with Rodney’s bone melting sigh of bliss and Sheppard biting down hard on his lower lip as he came in his pants so as not to disturb the obviously post coital couple.
Reality slowly began to creep in, and Sheppard began to feel like the worst heel for eavesdropping on what was obviously a very private and special moment for McKay; after all it was his first time. Slinking out of the labs, John promised to go easy on his friend tomorrow while off world because chances were Rodney would be sore as hell and feeling pretty self-conscious.
However, Rodney was actually quite ebullient the next morning, and was that a spring in his step? God, John couldn’t even look at the scientist without feeling his ears begin to pinken in memory of what he’d overheard the night before. Get a grip, Shep, or he’s gonna know something up. Smartest guy in two galaxies and all that shit. He’ll so grill your ass if he even thinks there’s a microscopic amount of dirt for him to find.
Turning towards the control tower to salute Weir, John stopped short to see Carson there looking indulgently down at Rodney. John was so screwed.
"You seem in very good spirits this morning, Dr. McKay," Teyla commented, much to John’s horror as she stood next to the physicist while waiting for the dialing sequence to begin.
"Actually I am, thank you for noticing," Rodney replied smugly. "I had the most amazing experience of my life last night."
Oh God, he was not going to tell them, was he?
"Really? Whadjado?" Ronon asked curiously, joining into what John had silently dubbed the conversation from hell.
"Carson talked me into doing something I’ve never done before," Rodney continued, blithely unaware that his team leader and best friend was slowly turning every shade of red in the color spectrum.
Bouncing on the balls of his feet, Rodney grinned at his teammates. "You should really go see him and try it; he’s amazing!"
What the fuck? "Dammit, McKay!" Sheppard shouted in shocked horror. The man was not pimping Carson out, was he?
"What’s your problem, Colonel?"
"My problem? My problem?" John sputtered nearly incoherently.
"Oh, very intelligent, Sheppard," McKay answered with a smirk. "Now I know who to go to if I ever want to give up my brilliant career as the smartest man in two galaxies to become a space pirate. After all every pirate needs a parrot."
"Jesus, all right. I was simply commenting on having my first shiatsu massage, but fine, I’ll stop talking now," Rodney huffed in outrage.
Shiatsu massage? He’d come in his pants from listening to Carson give Rodney a freaking massage? John looked morosely at the gate room floor and suddenly wished for it to open him up and swallow him whole.
And by looking down he completely missed the heated look that passed between the chief medical officer and McKay or the devilish smirk that ghosted over Rodney’s face before it settled back into its normal scowl. That ought to teach the flyboy to mind his own business and not eavesdrop when someone is losing his ‘cherry’, McKay thought smugly to himself as the dialing sequence finished and the gate ‘kawooshed’ out, signaling it was time to go.
Up on the catwalk Carson watched his brand new lover leave and silently hoped that he’d not be patching Rodney up at the end of this mission but instead enjoying a repeat performance of last night.
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